Lily Grace's arrival in to this world...

April 20th, the night before my due date, I talked to several people who  had taken castor oil and had it successfully start labor, and decided to try it myself.   I figured the worst thing that would happen is I would poop a lot and not go in to labor, OR it could work, and I was so ready to have my little girl.  I took 2 Tbs at 8 PM and 2 Tbs at 10 PM.  I didn't have any pooping that night, but did around 6AM and had a few sporadic contractions.  By 8AM the contractions had become 2 mins apart but only 30 seconds long, and were tolerable as far as pain goes..  The OB's office says to call when they're 5 mins apart but 1 minute long, so even though mine were closer together, they were only half the length.  As time went on, they did intensify as far as pain goes... with each contraction I would have to stop whatever I was doing, lean over the couch or on the wall etc and kind of moan through them, but they weren't horrible, and then I had 2 mins between where I felt 100% fine.  It was kind of weird, but I was excited because I went in to labor on my own (well, mostly,  hehe) and I had been worried that I'd go overdue and need to be induced.  Contractions continued to intensify and I was starting to have a harder time managing them on my own after about 2 1/2 hours, so my doula joined us at home.  The contractions continued to build, but never really got to be more than 2 1/2 -3 mins apart and lasting 50 seconds long.  Apparently I labored at home with Mike & my doula for another 2 1/2 hours, but it went by very quickly. We decided to call the OB's office (my doc was not in so I had the on-call doc) and she advised us to head to the hospital ASAP since they had been going on for over 5 hours and this was my second baby. 

We got to the hospital around 1:30 pm and as I was standing at the desk telling them I was in labor, my water broke, lol.  There was a big puddle on the floor between my legs.   It felt like in the movies or something.  So they got me in to a room, checked me and I was at 8 cms!  Yay!

The pain was getting pretty intense and I wanted to labor in the tub, but they checked me again and I was at a 9 or 9.5 within 15 mins, so they said I could be pushing in the next 10 mins and didn't want me to waste time getting in the tub (especially since I didn't plan on delivering in there, just wanted it for labor/comfort).   ... Well 3 hours later, I still had cervix all the way around and wasn't at a 10!!   :(   There was still a ring of cervix all around.  They tried having me push a few times while they pushed back my cervix, and that was excruciating so we stopped and waited hoping I would dilate the rest of the way, SOON.  The contractions were becoming unmanageable and I was starting to lose control with each one.  Especially because they were never fully letting up so even my "2 min break" wasn't even a break, and I had no idea how much longer this would go on.  I had tried contracting on the birthing ball, the birthing stool, several positions in the bed, leaning on Mike, sitting on the toilet etc as Mike and my doula followed me around the hospital room and bathroom, back and forth offering comfort and support through each contraction, reminding me to keep my moans low instead of high etc but nothing provided enough relief and I started to feel like I could not make take even one more contraction.  I started asking about some of the narcotic pain relievers thinking that it was too late for the epidural and needed something to take the edge off.  At this point I was starting to regret not getting the epidural.   They told me that the narcotics they had would get passed on to the baby, but the doctor let me know I could still get the epi and that it might allow my body to relax enough to complete dilation.  So, I caved and the epidural was placed at about 4:30 pm.... :(   It was crazy though, like someone shut off my contractions, and I felt like a totally different person than I had been for the past 8+ hours, now able to relax, breathe, carry on a conversation with my doula and Mike, text people and check FB on my phone, haha... ;) . whereas before, all I could do was grunt/groan and cry out through the pain that was consuming me, try and recover somewhat with the little bit of relief I got between contractions and then get ready for the next one.

After that I did go right up to a 10 but baby was still high/at a 0 station.  They had me try a few pushes, labor down (let my contractions bring the baby down), lay in different positions etc, but she didn't come down at all, and then her heart rate started to get down in to the 70's with every contraction and/or push.  (it had been in the 130's and 140's prior to that)  They tried putting me on an oxygen mask to see if that would help, tried seeing if she would tolerate alternative positions instead, and they said her cord might be around her neck or in a bad spot that's putting pressure on it with the bearing down of each contraction or push.  After about 20 mins of monitoring that, they placed some kind of thing that screwed in to her scalp to better monitor her heart rate and tried a few pushes that didn't go well :( and after a little while of that, the doctor said that I needed to have a c-section.  :(   :(   Actually she said she wanted to get me in to the OR "just in case" and that they would check me again in there, but really I think she just wanted to get me in the OR with every intention of doing a c-section... I am sure nothing would change in the short trip there that would change her mind to have me deliver vaginally.  My doula and I both cried as they unhooked me from everything to get me ready to move to the OR.  They wheeled me off, checked me again and said that a c-section was needed.  Everything happened very quickly after that.  They were shaving me, setting up the table to have my arms out at my sides, pumping me full of all these different meds, hooking up monitors, putting up the blue sheet and prepping my abdomen for the surgery.  This whole time Mike was not in there yet, I kept asking where he was but they said they needed to prep me before he could come in.  With how quickly things were happening though I felt like she was going to be born any second/before he was in there.  They did finally bring him in though and she came out at 6:17 pm on her due date, Sunday, April 21st weighing 8 lbs 8 ozs and 21 inches long (exact same size as Tyler was)  She came out screaming though and I cried and cried and cried tears of joy and relief that she was out and safe.

After she was born, it was about 15 minutes that Mike and the nueses were in another room with her weighing her and doing all of her testing etc, but it felt like forever.  I wanted to see and hold my baby.  My arms longed to hold her so badly.  Finally Mike came in with Lily, and I could see her, touch her face and kiss her but I still couldn't hold her.  I was still on the operating table and my body was starting to shake as a reaction from the medication.  It was about an hour before they were done stitching me up and we were out of the OR.   Then once they were done, I had to sit in the recovery area for over an hour while they waited to get me a room.  I could hold her in there, and I was thankful, but I hated the way I felt from all the drugs.. groggy and high like and then also having such limited movement due to the pain that was creeping up as the anesthesia wore off etc.

Obviously being healthy is the #1 thing and I am so glad she is absolutely that, I just wish I wasn't in this much pain so that taking care of her wasn't so difficult.  Everything about my recovery has been slow, painful and difficult from trying to sleep the first few nights in the hospital while hooked up to a million things and with a 10 cm wound in my stomach to getting in and out of bed at night so I can nurse her.  I've been on percocet which I resent - especially since I'm breastfeeding, I am not allowed to drive or lift her in her car seat for 2 weeks, and I walk around slightly hunched over and at a snail's pace.  Recovering has just been all around hard.  I had planned for an all natural childbirth.  My reason for wanting a natural birth was because recovery is so much easier when you don't have all kinds of interventions.  With Tyler's birth (which was vaginal) I was induced and my labor was 21 hours long with 3.5 hours of pushing, an episiotomy, they tried forecepts, the vaccuum etc before he came out.  And I thought that was a painful recovery.  I feel like if I had gone in to labor on my own and not had so many interventions, it would not have taken me so long to recover.  And now with this, I wound up with the "ultimate" intervention, a surgical birth to recover from so needless to say, I wish things had gone differently.  

I am bummed with how far we came without any medical intervention (even thinking back to turning my breech baby when I was 34 weeks, all the reading I did on natural childbirth and hypno stuff I practiced etc) and then of course the 5 hours I labored at home, the 3.5 hours I labored in the hospital without even a hep-lock IV or hospital gown on.... all to end in a c-section.   I am jealous of women who have recently given birth vaginally because they don't have to go through what I am, and I feel like they are able to enjoy their new baby more and wish that taking care of her wasn't so hard with my recovery.  But I will continue to get better with time, the pain will lessen, which will make taking care of her easier every day, so I'm trying to remember that.

Every time I look at her she takes my breath away though, so I need to remember that the important thing is that she is here, and I love her more than words can say.

In between contractions, before we left for the hospital... 

 When I was still in labor

 

In the OR (obviously)

Cloth Diapers - Part One

I used cloth diapers when my son was a baby, and will use them on this baby as well.  Since I have experience with them, it's not uncommon for people who are interested in using them to ask me for advice or help - so I thought I'd put some of the basic information here.

First off - the WHY.  Haha.  Many people are completely unaware how far cloth diapers have come and what cloth diapering is like today... they hear "cloth diaper" and they still have an image of flat cloths, pins, rubber pants and bleach pails in their head.  They wonder WHY in the world anyone would want to use cloth in this day and age and look at me like I have two heads.

To first clear up that misconception, modern cloth diapers are now much easier to use than they use to be.  They look and function very much like a disposable diaper, only they are made of cloth and they fasten with velcro tabs.  They come in cute, fun colors and prints and they have many options to cut down on the "yuck" factor, such as disposable liners that make flushing solid waste a cinch (they kind of look like a dryer sheet).  Or diaper sprayers that attach to your toilet so you can easily spray off solids.  They are a lot easier and a lot more fun than they ever use to be.

However, there are many more reasons to use cloth, besides the ease of use they offer now.  Such as saving money.  Who doesn't love that??  Disposable diapers cost around $80 per month, per baby.  Add that up over 12 months and an average of 3 years and you're looking at spending nearly $3,000 on diapers per child.  Cloth will cost $500-$1000 (depending on what you buy) and you can sell them after you're done with them recuperating about 50% of the cost, or use them on another child, also extending the savings.  How many times have you changed a baby or seen a baby changed, only to have them poo in to a fresh diaper, not even used for 5 minutes?  Bummer, right??  With cloth, it doesn't matter when that happens because you aren't throwing it away!  And forget about trying to sell used disposable diapers to recoup any of the money you spent on them.  Lol.

If cost isn't enough, what about health?  Think of all the chemicals that are in disposables to make them more absorbent.  Do you want that against your baby’s bottom 24/7?  Your skin is like a sponge - so it’s good to be conscious about what you’re putting next to your baby’s skin for the next 2-3 years, 24 hours a day. Disposables contain Sodium Polycrylate – the stuff that makes diapers super absorbent. This chemical was banned in 1985 from use in tampons because it was linked to toxic shock syndrome!  No studies on how it affects infants have been done.

Also, disposables also use dioxin to bleach the diaper materials white. This chemical has been reported by the EPA as the “most toxic of all cancer linked chemicals”. It’s use has been banned in most countries except the US. It is known to cause damage to the central nervous system, kidneys and liver. The FDA has reported: rashes, chemical burns, and noxious chemical odors.  Cloth has no harmful chemicals used or added to cloth diapers.

Still think cloth is weird?  What about the environment?   

About 2 tons of non-biodegradable waste per baby (82,000 tons of plastic and 1.8 million tons of wood pulp (1/4 million trees) are consumed each year.  An estimated 5 million tons of untreated waste and 2 billion tons of urine, feces, plastic and paper go into landfills annually.  It takes 500 years for a diaper to decompose.  Considering that disposable diapers have not even been around that long, that means that every single disposable diaper that has ever been put on a baby's bottom, is still sitting out there somewhere, fully intact.  We have also begun to dump trash in to our oceans.  Imagine the effect it must have considering all that is in diapers and human waste.  Disposables generate 60 times more solid waste and use 20 times more raw materials to make, such as crude oil and wood pulp.  The manufacturing of disposable diapers amounts to 2-3 times more waste water than cloth.  And every year, we throw away enough disposable diapers to stretch to the moon and back, 9 times!!!

Cloth diapers are made with reusable materials, like cotton and bamboo. The life expectancy of a cloth diaper is 100150 washes. Many well made products can be used for multiple children. There is no human waste going into the landfills, it goes into the sewer system with the other human waste. Washing cloth diapers at home uses about 50-70 gallons of water every 3 days, about the same as an adult flushing the toilet 5-6 times daily.  Compare diapers, to dishes. You wouldn’t live using all paper or plastic plates & cutlery, throwing them away with a single use every single time right? That is wasteful. Instead you buy durable dishes that can be washed and reused.  So why not apply that same logic to diapers? Do we really need to throw something away & replace it every time a baby urinates or has a bowel movement?  Especially something that we're using about 10 of, per day?


So that's all for today.  Another day soon I will write about the different types of cloth diapers for those interested in getting started. 

 

Veggie Pho

'Tis the season for soup!!  This is the third time in the past two week's I've made soup.  And as you probably know, soup usually makes a pretty decent size batch and you usually end up eating it for days afterward.  So basically.. I've been eating soup pretty much every day. 

The nice thing with most soups is if you don't like a particular ingredient, you can leave it out or swap it for something else.  Ideally, my perfect veggie pho would have everything below, but sometimes I forget ingredients at the grocery store, run out of something etc and I don't have everything I want in it, but it's still delicious.  In the batch of Pho that is pictured above, I didn't have seitan (which is a vegetarian meat substitute made from vital wheat gluten... and what 'mock duck' is made out of) or any of the garnishes.  But alas, it was still super delicious and even my 3 year old ate every bite in his bowl, and my omnivorous husband went back for seconds. 

Ingredients
4-8 cups vegetable broth
A few TBS of oil
8 oz. fresh mushrooms washed and cut in half
1-2" knob of fresh ginger - peeled and grated
dash of cinnamon
handful of shredded carrots 
1 block of extra firm tofu, pressed and cut in to cubes
1 package of seitan
1/4 head of cauliflower cut in to pieces and washed
1/2-1 head of fresh broccoli cut in to pieces and washed
Asian rice noodles

fresh cilantro as a garnish
bean sprouts as a garnish
wedge of lime, squeezed as a garnish

Directions
Start by draining your tofu and setting it up to be pressed, so that it can set while you're doing everything else with your soup. 

Heat oil in your stock pot and add your mushrooms to sautee.  When they're coated in oil and starting to darken a bit, add a splash of the veggie broth and cover until they're nice and soft.  Then add the rest of your veggie broth and cook on High.  *I usually start with 4 cups/one carton of the broth and then have another standing by to add more as needed.

Add grated ginger & cinnamon.  Taste and adjust if necessary. Add cauliflower, carrots and seitan and cook until the cauliflower is soft.  Add tofu.

When your soup is pretty much done, add the broccoli and rice noodles and remove from heat - let stand for ~5 mins until broccoli is done to your liking.  (the broccoli and rice noodles both cook very quickly so it you put them in while everything else is still cooking, they will get overdone)

Garnish with fresh cilantro sprigs, bean sprouts and squeezed lime.  Serve.

Cheesy Vegetable Chowder

2 Tablespoons Earth Balance (or butter of your choice)

1/2 cup chopped onion

2/3 cup of finely chopped carrots  *tip, I buy matchstick carrots and then just chop them up a little more. Works beautifully.

3 celery stalks, finely chopped

3 cloves garlic, pressed

4 cups vegetable broth (the recipe calls for chicken broth, but I am a vegetarian so I use vegetable)

1 large baking potato, peeled and chopped

2 Tablespoon flour

1 cup water

2/3 cup milk

2 cups chopped broccoli

2 heaping cups shredded cheddar cheese

Salt and pepper to taste

Melt the butter in a large soup pot.  Add onions, carrots, and celery and saute over medium heat until tender.  Add garlic and cook 1 or 2 additional minutes.  Add broth and potatoes, bring to a boil, and cook until potatoes are tender.  Mix flour with water, add, and simmer until soup is slightly thickened.  Add milk and broccoli and cook until broccoli is just tender and soup is heated through.  Stir in cheese, allow to melt, add salt & pepper and serve.

I can't believe I'm blogging this

I guess I just have a ton of emotions right now and feel like blogging it out.  They say that talking about your feelings helps you deal with stress right?  Here's hoping.

So, 2 1/2 weeks ago (August 10th), I was surprised with this:

Well, perhaps "surprised" is the wrong word... because we were trying, but after having two losses this year, and this being our first month trying again, (only now having one fallopian tube)  I was not expecting to get pregnant this quickly.  I was prepared for it to take a while, especially since it took us 9 months of trying for Tyler's sibling before becoming pregnant in January, now with only having one tube I thought it could take even longer.

So, that morning, I called the doctor's office as soon as they opened.  Since I have had 2 ectopics this year, I knew they would monitor me closely so that if it were another ectopic, we could catch it more quickly than last time.  I got in that morning and they did a blood draw and told me the plan would be getting it drawn at the hospital every other day so they could, 1 - see if my numbers (hCG/pregnancy hormone) at least doubled every 48 hours, as that is a sign of a healthy pregnancy (if they did anything else it would be a sign of miscarriage or ectopic) and 2 - because as soon as the numbers reached 2,000, they could do an ultrasound to just determine the location of the pregnancy.

My numbers went up as follows every other day:  First draw @ 12 days past ovulation - 56,  then went on to be 190, 555, 1380, 3489, 9136, respectively... which is good.  They almost tripled every 48 hours.  So they scheduled the ultrasound on the day that they were 9,136 (the previous draw was on a Saturday so the offices were closed and I couldn't get in for an u/s). 

I had the ultrasound at 5w1d, and I knew there was a chance that I would only see the gestational sac.  A yolk sac and fetal pole *may* be visible at that point, but it could go either way.  I didn't see anything other than the gestational sac which looked to be empty (again, I knew it may be too early to see anything else), but the good news was it was in the right spot, and the doctor had me come back in another week to see if we could see some growth inside the sac, and if we were lucky, maybe the heartbeat.  (the heart usually begins to beat at 6 week, so again, it may be visible at that point or it may not)

I was so nervous right before the appt, worried that we could get bad news.  I had nightmares the night before that the sac was still empty, that I started bleeding etc.  But much to my relief, we saw the baby measuring right on schedule, the yolk sac, and a beautiful flickering heartbeat of 102 bpm.  This is low, as later in pregnancy baby's HR's tend to be anywhere from 120-190 bpm, but since it had only been beating for a couple of days, it wasn't a concern.

u/s pic and video of heartbeat below:

Okay, so far, everything has been progressing exactly on schedule.  I was elated yesterday (day of the u/s) and feeling very good about things, but now I'm already a nervous wreck again.  Every time I hear of someone who has had a loss at a later stage in pregnancy than I am, I think "that could happen to me".   I looked up statistics for "rate of miscarriage after a heartbeat has been seen", to try and make myself feel better and it said about 4% of women who have seen the heartbeat will still have a miscarriage, but women who have had vaginal bleeding during pregnancy have about a 13% chance after a heartbeat has been seen.  I had spotting for about 4 days starting the day after I got a positive test.  Thankfully it's gone but it still worries me that I had it at all. 

I'm really trying to be positive and not let it consume me, but it's so hard after having been through 3 losses in the past and knowing how very possible they are.  I worry about every little thing.  Last night I chased Tyler around the playground a little bit and was worried that it did something to affect the pregnancy.  I was swinging and then worried that could have done something..  Then last night I had insomnia so this morning I got a medium latte and forgot to order it half-caff, so now I'm worried about that.... that since I haven't been drinking caffeine since I found out, it was too much for my body and I jeopardized my baby/pregnancy.

I know that worry and anxiety aren't good for pregnancy, and I try to just pray and put my trust in the Lord, but I can't just turn off this constant, nagging fear of what might happen, not knowing if I'm really going to have a baby in April, or if my heart will be shattered once again, before that.  This marks my 5th pregnancy.  You would think that I would take it as the odds would be higher for this one working out but instead I feel like it usually doesn't work out for me.  I see other women who are pregnant full-term and think, "if they have made it that far, there's no reason I can't make it that far too" but I feel like it's just wishful thinking.  I try and remember that 80% of pregnancies work out and I try and remember Matthew 6:34; "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."   But still I sit, worried about everything.

Since my doctors are keeping a close eye on me, they want me to come back for another ultrasound in 2 weeks.  2 weeks from yesterday will be Mike's birthday, but I was afraid to make the appointment on that day in case we got bad news... so I scheduled it for the Friday before.  I'm such a wreck.  I wish I could be one of those people who get pregnant and can simply just be happy and excited about it.  Blissfully unaware of how it feels to lose a baby and live without the fear of having it happen again.

Chickpea Strawberry Mango Salad

This salad is from one of my favorite cookbooks Peas And Thank You.  It's written by a vegan mother and wife who has two young girls, so she knows very well the struggles of picky toddlers -- and husbands when it comes to a plant based diet.  I didn't try this recipe on my husband, but I do think that he would have liked it if I would have made it for him.  ;)

Salad
8 cups of romaine lettuce (or green of choice) washed, dried and torn in to bite sized pieces.
1 (14 oz) can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 mango, peeled and cut in to chunks
2 cups strawberries, washed and sliced
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup roasted almonds (I just used slivered raw almonds)
1/4 cup fresh mint leaves, chopped



Cinnamon Vinaigrette Dressing

1 tsp Dijon Mustard
3 Tbs Apple cider vinegar
3 Tbs lemon juice
1/3 cup agave nectar or pure maple syrup
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup canola oil

Whisk together all ingredients except for the oil. Once they are thoroughly combined, slowly add the canola oil while whisking, until the mixture has emulsified. Serve immediately or store in an air tight container for up to 2 weeks in the refrigerator.

Pasta with Pesto Cream (Vegan)

The abundance of sweet summer basil and tomatoes inspired this recipe.  The rich and creamy texture makes it irresistible.  This recipe is gluten-free friendly and can easily be adapted by simply preparing it with gluten-free pasta.
Makes 2 1/2 cups; Serves 3-4

Pesto

• 2 cups packed fresh basil leaves (this is a lot of basil, so try and find a large clamshell package of basil leaves in the produce section and you basically end up using all of it)
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1/2 cup pine nuts
• 3-4 cloves garlic
• 1 tsp coarse salt

Cream:

• 2 TB olive oil
• 1 tsp white rice flour (I used regular flour)
• 1/3 cup soy milk (I used unsweetened vanilla almond milk because it was what I had on hand, & couldn’t taste the vanilla flavor at all)
• 1/3 cup vegetable broth
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp black pepper

Pasta

• 1 (16-ounce) package pasta, spaghetti style (I like brown rice pasta or quinoa pasta)
• Asparagus, ends trimmed and cut in to 1-inch pieces
• 1 basket red cherry tomatoes, halved

To make the pesto: Combine all ingredients listed for pesto in a food processor. Pulse the mixture, scraping down the sides of the food processor with a spatula, until smooth.

Prepare the pasta according to package directions and start on the sauce.  *Note - When pasta is just about done, add the asparagus to blanch for just a few minutes, then drain all together and set aside.

To prepare the sauce: Whisk together the olive oil, flour, salt, and pepper in a saucepan until smooth.  Put on medium heat and whisking constantly, add the soy (or almond) milk a little at a time until incorporated. Reduce the heat to medium-low; return the saucepan to the heat. Slowly whisk in the vegetable broth and simmer until the sauce thickens slightly, about 6 minutes. Add the pesto mixture to the saucepan, whisking until thoroughly blended and heated through. Take care not to boil the sauce. Taste and correct the seasonings. 

Gently toss the pasta and sauce together, serve the pasta topped with tomatoes.  Enjoy! 

Photo coming soon.

Excited about PIZZA!

Pizza is one of those things that gets a bad rap.  When you think of eating pizza, it's almost always associated with being unhealthy.  But that does not have to be the case!   While, yes, when you order pizza from your local delivery place, it is probably loaded with at least twice as much cheese as it needs, not to mention, often times, sausage and pepperoni.  Considering that there are 11 grams of fat and 135 calories JUST in the pepperoni that are on two pieces of pizza, plus who knows what goes in to making it, obviously it doesn't come off of the cow or pig like that.... (what is pepperoni made out of anyway??  I don't even know!) Yikes!  So obviously when you add up the sausage, pepperoni, heavy cheese, oil topped crusts also containing the unknown, it's not going to be good for your body.  One easy/obvious way to lighten it up if you're getting delivery is to ditch the processed meat products and opt for vegetable toppings instead.  Then ask for light cheese, and you've made an improvement.

But I like to make pizza at home, that way I can control what and how much of everything goes on, and I know all of the ingredients involved.  Often times I buy whole wheat pita bread and use those for the crust of individual size pizzas.  (as in, the whole round pocket, so you have to make sure you don't buy the ones that are already cut in half)  then I spread pizza sauce from a jar or even spaghetti sauce works just as well, and I usually put baby spinach on it and lightly steamed broccoli (because I always have those on hand, but I also add sauteed mushrooms and onions if I have them) and light cheese and pop them in the oven for about 5 mins, until the cheese is melted.  Tyler even likes this and it's fun for him because he can help make his own pizza.  :)    You can also buy a large pre-made pizza crust and make a family size pizza if you want something everyone can enjoy/share.  With those though, if you're eating clean, you'll want to make sure you buy one from your local natural food store, because the ones sold in regular grocery stores are full of crappy ingredients.  Also, I remember seeing ready-made dough for whole wheat pizza crust at Trader Joe's for $1 once, but I've never tried it. 

We've been enjoying homemade pizza for quite some time, and I can tell you, it tastes delicious, without leaving me feeling weighed down or feeling guilty for eating poorly.  But now I've found another pizza to make at home that's different and soooo delicious!!

BBQ Pizza with Black Beans & Corn!!!  This is awesome and so simple!!!

-1 Large Organic/natural pre-made pizza crust
-Organic/natural BBQ sauce 
-black beans (drained and rinsed if you're using canned, or cooked if you're using dried)
-Corn (either fresh off the cob, or frozen)
-Reduced fat/part skim mozarella cheese (Daiya Mozarella style would also be a good vegan option!)

Assemble in that order, put it in oven directly on the shelf, and bake until the cheese is melted.  Usually less than 10 minutes.

Some optional toppings you could add would be to sprinkle fresh chopped cilantro on top when it comes out, chopped tomatoes and even squeezing some fresh lime juice would be good!!  Red onions would also make a nice topping to go along with the black beans & corn.  This pizza is awesome, different, healthy and easy!!  I think it's something the whole family would love!

Goals and Veggie Wraps

This post is about two unrelated and random things... Goals and Veggie Wraps.  I apologize for my A.D.D.  ;)

When it comes to goals, I think that most people have at least a few things they'd either like to start doing, stop doing, or would like to get better at doing on a daily basis.  I am one of those people.

With everything that has been going on this year with my two ectopic pregnancies, exercise restrictions, stress etc, I have fallen in to a bit of emotional eating and obviously haven't worked out when under doctor's orders to abstain.  I haven't completely slid back in to eating junk all the time, but there is a ton of room for improvement in my diet, I've been getting iced coffees or lattes from Starbucks often, going out for lunch and/or getting take out for dinner a lot and none of it is doing anything good for me.

I am just starting to work out again given the doctor's "okay" but I want to make sure I'm consistent about it.  It's important to me and needs to be a priority.  Plus, there are other things that I would like to get better at that are not related to health & fitness as well.  So, what did I do?  I made a list.  A daily checklist that I put where I will look at it every day and I can go down the list and mentally check off the things I listed if I have succeeded at them for the day.

It makes me happy when I can look at it and know that I stuck to everything that I listed that is important to me.  And even if one of them isn't met for the day, I still feel pretty good.   Once doing all of this becomes routine/habit, I will add on others that I need to work on.. but first things first!

For anyone who is struggling to make improvements in your life, consider making a list of your goals and putting them where you can see them.  Some of us just need some accountability!

Now, for the Veggie Wraps!  :)

This is one of my favorite meals for lunch or for dinner.  It's super healthy & tasty and can be put together quickly.  (like on nights that I'm making something else for Mike & Tyler and I don't feel like doing a lot of work for two meals!)   But I really do enjoy eating this a lot.

I use:
Alvarado St. Bakery Sprouted Wheat Tortillas (found in natural food stores... because all the tortillas in grocery stores seem to be loaded with a crap-ton of crappy ingredients)
Then I put cucumber slices, roma tomato slices, alfalfa sprouts, half of an avocado - mashed, baby spinach, and - when they're in season.... garlic scapes!!!  These are the best part.  Sooo yummy!!  Anyway just put all the stuff on your tortilla:

And wrap it up.  :)

It's nice and big so it's filling, healthy, quick and tasty!!

All or nothing...?

"I could never do that" is a frequently used response when people see a habit or lifestyle etc that they admire but don't think they have the will power, discipline or dedication for it.. or simply don't desire to or think they can do that all of the time, they say, "I could never do that."

It comes up a lot when talking about healthy living... exercising regularly or eating unprocessed natural foods, quitting smoking, and sometimes with vegetarianism.  I realize that not everyone wants to be vegetarian, but there are a lot of people can acknowledge the benefits of a plant-based diet, and just don't think they can give up [insert meat item here].

Or, recently a conversation came up about the high price of gas... I mentioned someone I know who doesn't own a car and rides their bike everywhere they need to go and the general response was "well that's great for her, but I could never do that."   I also got that response a lot of times when people would find out I used cloth diapers for my son. 

What people tend to forget though, is even if you may not have the resources, desire, will power, time, money etc to commit to the improvement 100% of the time.... it still helps to do it at least some of the time, doesn't it? 

I know a lot of people are intimidated by the thought of working out 5-6 days per week.  But what about 3 days?  Obviously 3 days a week is still better for your body than zero days.  Or if working out for an hour sounds impossible, what about 30 minutes?  Everyone has 30 minutes they can spare, especially when it comes to something as important as your health!!  This is one of the most important things and so many of us neglect it!!

What about the instance of riding a bike?  I know that having no car is not practical for everyone, definitely not for me either, but riding your bike on a trip to a friend's house, the gas station or grocery store for a few items or to the beach... obviously each time you do it you would save some money on gas, would be more healthy/efficient for your body and would have contributed that much less pollution than if you had driven.  

Also, there are many reasons that a meatless meal can have a positive impact on your body, the environment and the animals talked about here, but if you could just never give up steak or don't have the desire to be a vegetarian, that doesn't mean that the benefits of a single vegetarian meal don't still exist. Many people assume that if they eat meat at all, they must eat it at every meal, which is simply not true.  Try having your spaghetti without ground beef... would you really miss it?  The most important things in spaghetti are the pasta and the sauce!  Or how about a pizza with veggies instead of meat.  What about a bean burrito (without lard - gross) or PB&J sandwiches?  Macaroni & Cheese?  There are plenty of vegetarian foods that you probably already enjoy on occasion, but don't really ever think about or realize the fact that it's technically vegetarian.  All you have to do is put them in the rotation more often or make a conscious effort to eat meatless "x number of times per week" or what not.

So if there is an area of your life where you know you can improve on but can't see yourself committing to the change 100% of the time, why not try to implement it wherever/as much as you can?   I think that's the best way to start a good habit anyway... slowly, rather than diving in head first and risking becoming overwhelmed quickly.  Plus, you may find that whatever change you have implemented is a lot more sustainable than you'd originally thought, and end up reaping it's benefits much more often than you'd intended.

Ectopic #2 of 2012

On Tuesday, May 22, much to my surprise, I found out I was pregnant again.  This came as a huge shock because we had started trying to become pregnant back in May of 2011 and it wasn't until January that we finally became successful.  When that pregnancy ended in loss (suspected ectopic, diagnosed due to abnormally rising and falling hcg levels and I was given methotrexate to dissolve the pregnancy cells) I assumed it would take us a while before becoming successful again.  I guess I was wrong.

So, due to the previous ectopic plus another miscarriage prior to that in my history, my OB's office wanted to closely monitor my hormone levels to keep an eye out for any problems.   They started out low (41 at 14 days past ovulation) but they did rise normally (went on to get levels of 107, 1600, 3216, 6252 etc) so I wasn't afraid of this being another ectopic.

I did start spotting about a week and a half after I found out I was pregnant and had sharp pain on my left side, but my doctor wasn't too worried about it since my hormone levels were rising so nicely, and the pain she thought was probably a corpus leutum cyst on my ovary, which are non threatening.  They told me I could come in for an ultrasound just to check things out, whenever I wanted.  I asked if she had any preference or recommendation on when to do it and they left it up to me but said that the longer I waited, the more they would be able to see on the ultrasound but kind of encouraging me to wait "as long as I can stand to".   Now, when I was pregnant with my son I remember that we saw the heartbeat at 6w3d and it was 125 bpm, so part of me thought I should schedule this ultrasound for that same gestational age (which would have been that Friday), but something kept urging me to make the appointment Thursday....so I made the appointment for then.  Being 6w2d I knew it was still possible for it to be too early to see the heartbeat, which would especially be true if the embryo implanted late, (and I thought that might be the case since my hormone levels started out low) but I just really felt like I needed to go in on Thursday....  I thought that the worst thing that could happen would be that there wouldn't be a heartbeat yet and that we'd have to wait another week before we knew if it was a viable pregnancy or not.  But I was wrong again, that wasn't the worst thing that could happen that day.

During the external ultrasound, the tech asked me if I'd had any pain on my left side and I had told her yes, a week prior I had, but not since then.  I saw she was looking at things on that side but I assumed it was the cyst that the doctor had mentioned since I couldn't really tell what was what on the screen.  When she was done with the external ultrasound, she told me to undress from the waist down, left for a few minutes and returned to do the internal exam.  When she came back, she mentioned that the Nurse Practitioner wanted to see me when we were done, to discuss the results.  I thought that was kind of odd, since we hadn't really seen anything yet, but didn't think too much in to it and was just anxious to get on with the scan.  When she was doing the internal ultrasound, she measured the gestational sac and the fetus.  It measured at 6w0d (2 days less than I was) but I wasn't worried about it, again just thinking it had implanted later than normal.  Then she zoomed in and I saw the flicker on the screen.  My face lit up and asked, "Is that the heartbeat?!?!"  She said "yes", but with sorrow in her voice.  She then went on to tell me that it was not a viable pregnancy and that it was outside of my uterus, on my left side.  My heart sank.  Immediately I began to sob and couldn't stop.  The exam continued for another 5 minutes or more while she finished taking measurements with the probe inside of me and apologized repeatedly, while all I could do is cry.  I saw on the screen that my baby had a heartbeat of 120 bpm.   It is so hard knowing that the baby was living, there was nothing wrong with it, it was just in the wrong spot.  I was devastated.

After the exam we went in a room to meet with my Nurse Practitioner.  My clinic's OB was out that day.  The NP told me that I had a living ectopic and my hcg was in the 9,000's at my blood draw the day before.  She said I needed to come back the next day at 9:20AM to see the OB and that I would probably be sent for methotrexate again.  She stressed that if I had any pain at all, to go to the hospital immediately because the risk of rupture was high at that point.

So home I went and after a good long cry, I began to do a little bit of research online.  I found that methotrexate is not used when hcg is over 5,000 or if a fetal heartbeat is present.   And in talking with two other ladies who had ectopic pregnancies that had reached the point of a fetal heartbeat, they were sent straight to the hospital for surgery that day and were not allowed to even walk and both had the affected fallopian tube removed.  I was really surprised I'd been sent home and only told to come back in the case of pain (which would mean rupture and could possibly be life threatening ...but at the very least, incredibly painful)   So I called the ER, and after getting bounced around and explaining my situation to three different people, the last person finally found an OB  - who advised me to go to the ER right away and not to wait until the next day to be treated.

At the ER, they took more blood from both arms, hooked me up for an IV and waited until the OB they had to finish delivering a baby.  While waiting, I learned that my hcg was now > 12,000 and this pregnancy was far past the point of methotrexate.  Then I learned doctor was waiting for me in the O.R.  They brought me up there and she explained that in cases like mine, that she prefers to remove the whole tube, to ensure that no pregnancy tissue is left behind, (which, if that happened would require Methotrexate, plus scar tissue in the tube that would have an increased risk of future ectopics)  but she assured me that many women are perfectly capable of getting pregnant with only one tube.  She also said that an egg ovulated from the left ovary can be received by my right fallopian tube.  I don't understand how this is true but I guess it happens.  Reluctantly/feeling like I didn't have many other options, I agreed.  They put me out for surgery, they made 3 incisions in my abdomen and they took my fallopian tube and my baby with a beating heart that was inside of it.  The doctor sent home photos of the surgery with my husband and I can plainly see that the tube that had the ectopic was swollen to about 75X  the size of the other one, and bleeding had already started around it.  She said if I'd have waited, it would have ruptured.

Looking back, I am surprised that they didn't have me go in for the ultrasound as soon as they knew my hcg levels were high enough for there to be something visible on the scan. Then it would have been caught sooner and never would have developed a heartbeat and surgery could have been avoided.  I am also very surprised I'd been sent home instead of straight to the hospital.  Had I not done my own research and been my own advocate, my tube would have ruptured.  Lastly, I really wish I'd of asked to have an HSG done after my first ectopic, because then this may have been prevented completely.   :(

It's been 4 days and I go through phases of different emotions.  Hurt, angry, scared, numb... It changes from one minute to the next.  I really wish I were one of the women who becomes pregnant easily and stays that way.  To me, when I get a positive pregnancy test, excitement is not the dominant emotion.  Instead it brings fear & anxiety more than anything.  Three out of four of my pregnancies have ended in loss and enjoying a pregnancy, I think will be impossible for me.  I really worry about the chances of me having a successful pregnancy in the future and fear that it may not be in the cards for us.

To top things off, I usually work out in order to work off frustrations or emotions.  Now in this time of major emotional pain, I can't do much of anything without hurting myself due recovering from the surgery.  So I sit and think.. about how much I hate this and wish it were different.  I also made the mistake of telling our son I was pregnant again.  He has been asking for a sibling forever.  When I told him that the baby went to heaven, he asked me if Jesus and God would put the baby back in my belly.  If only he knew how much I wished that were possible. 

Quinoa Stuffed Peppers

HOORAY for awesome recipes!!  I have been trying out new ones a lot lately and luckily finding some gems!

Tonight I made Quinoa Stuffed Peppers and they were a hit!  Hubby even enjoyed them.  They are packed with veggies - which makes me super excited and they pack protein from black beans and quinoa.  I think next time I will use Daiya in lieu of the regular cheese to make it vegan.  Now, if only I could get my son to eat these. 

So here is the recipe – It calls for 4 peppers (so you get 8 halves, obviously) but the mixture makes way more than that.  You can either buy twice as many peppers as it calls for, or save/freeze the rest of the mixture for quick/easy prep next time. 

Quinoa Stuffed Peppers

• 1 medium onion, finely chopped (about 1 cup)
• 2 Tbs. olive oil
• 2 ribs celery, finely chopped (about ½ cup)
• 2 Tbs. ground cumin
• 4 cloves garlic, minced (about 2 tsp.)
• 1 10-oz. pkg. frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
• 2 15-oz. cans diced tomatoes, drained, liquid reserved
• 1 15-oz. can black beans, rinsed and drained
• ¾ cup quinoa - uncooked
• 3 large carrots, grated (about 1 ½ cups)
• 1 ½ cups grated reduced-fat pepper Jack cheese, divided (or other cheese of your choice)
• 4 large red bell peppers, halved lengthwise, ribs removed

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.  Heat oil in saucepan over medium heat. Add onion and celery, and cook 5 minutes, or until soft. Add cumin and garlic, and sauté 1 minute. Stir in spinach and drained tomatoes. Cook 5 minutes, or until most of liquid has evaporated.

2. Stir in black beans, quinoa, carrots, and 2 cups water. Cover, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer 20 minutes, or until quinoa is tender. 

3. Meanwhile, cut your bell peppers lengthwise, remove the seeds and ribs and microwave them all together for about 5 minutes – then boil them for a few minutes.

4. When quinoa is done, stir 1 cup of cheese in to the mixture. Season with salt and pepper, if desired.  Pour liquid from tomatoes in bottom of baking dish.

5. Fill each bell pepper half with heaping 3/4-cup quinoa mixture, and place in baking dish.  Bake for about 10 minutes, then sprinkle each pepper with 1 Tbs. remaining cheese if desired. 5-10 minutes more, or until tops of stuffed peppers are browned. Let stand 5 minutes. Transfer stuffed peppers to serving plates, and drizzle each with pan juices before serving. 

Here is the photo from the website I got the recipe off of:

And of course, here is my crappy cell phone shot of the ones I made.  ;)

I left the cheese off of the tops of some and thought they tasted really good that way/didn't need the extra added.

Cashew-Zucchini Soup

I am so excited to post this recipe.  I am fully aware that it is almost summer (today it was actually even 90° in Minnesota) and people don't typically eat soup when it's hot out... but this soup is that good.  A friend of mine is doing the Beachbody Ultimate Reset which this recipe is a part of the meal plan.  She loved it and shared the it with me.  I was in love, too.  So much that I picked up more ingredients to make another batch, and made it the same day.  Now I'm posting it here with my review and variations. 

Here was her original recipe:
"1/4 cup raw cashews (soaked for an hour in enough water to cover them)
1 large or 2 small zucchini (cubed and steamed)
Basil or dill or whatever fresh herb you prefer. I love basil!
Himalayan Salt 
Place all ingredients in blender. Blend to smooth consistency. Add water to desired consistency.
Transfer to saucepan and gently heat. Do not boil. Optional--add extra steamed veggies once your soup is blended -  I used broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, carrots, zucchini.
MAKES ONE SERVING."


So the first time I made it almost exactly like this except I added a few of the steamed broccoli flowerets and cauliflower pieces to the blender when I blended it all up and added the rest at the end.  I also didn't need to heat it at all because the veggies were still hot from being steamed.  Lastly, doubled the recipe because I love leftovers.  After I blended it all up/before I added the extra veggies at the end, I tried a bite of the smooth, creamy bright green mixture, and it was sensational!  It was like it melted in my mouth!!!   Just simple ingredients, healthy vegetables at that.. but the medley made tasted heavenly!  Then I added the extra veggies, and it was awesome.  If you are one of those people who kind of need to "chew" your food in order to feel full (like if you don't feel full from smoothies or shakes) this may be the way to go for you.   I know the bright green color is different, but seriously, this will melt in your mouth!!!

For me, I sort of preferred the smooth, creamy deliciousness that I fell in love with at first bite, and told myself that the next time I made it, I would blend everything.  


Well I had forgotten that I needed to run to the store to pick up some things for a BBQ tomorrow, so while I was there and was buying a huge container of fresh basil for a caprese salad, I decided I would get the other ingredients to make the soup again, tonight... since I had all that basil.  :)   (and really, all I needed to buy besides the basil was 2 zucchinis because I had the other ingredients at home still)


Here's what I did this time:

All of the ingredients.  The ones on the cutting board are about to be chopped up & steamed. The large container in the back is fresh basil, I didn't use all of this, only maybe 1/2 cup loosely packed.  I also only used about 1/2 of that head of cauliflower, but since I planned to blend everything, I used about 3/4 to 1 cup of soaked cashews, to balance all the extra veggies. 

Being Steamed.  I added the carrot and cauliflower first, because they are harder and take longer to steam.  Then after a few minutes added the zucchini and broccoli.

All in the Vitamix, ready to be blended!  (note, I added the spinach last/didn't steam it because it would blend up regardless and figured it would preserve more nutrients this way)

Blended up!

Portioned.  I know it looks like some kind of ecto-cooler or something, but if you have a love for healthy food, and are open minded to try new foods, I promise you will love this. 

I'm going to freeze some to see how it comes out.

The ONLY thing I don't like about my Vitamix is the odd shape of the container, and the fact that the bottom/blade doesn't come off to it's really hard to scrape everything out of it even with a rubber spatula.  :(   I do want to try it with a food processor too but my food processor isn't as big. 

So there you have it.  Spring (or summer or winter or fall) soup... So delicious!  I hope you try this, and if you do, please post a comment with your review.  :)

A different kind of pasta

Obviously everyone has had the well known favorite pasta - spaghetti with red sauce.  And it's definitely delicious, I don't deny that for one second.  But I recently came across a recipe for a pasta sauce that has a Mexican twist on it.  And it uses black beans to add heartiness and protein where most vegetarian pastas might lack it.  When I first tried it, it was good, but it was missing ...something.  I knew it would be very good with the addition of shredded cheddar cheese (I was right) but I didn't want to depend on cheese to love the recipe, because I want to eventually cut dairy out of my diet.  So when I was having the leftovers, I tried it with a little bit of freshly made guacamole (just simple mashed avocado+pressed garlic+salt) and it was a winner!!   Also you can freeze the sauce if you make a lot and can't use it up before it goes bad.  I love recipes that freeze well! 

Ingredients:

1 1/2 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 Medium onion, chopped
2 Cloves garlic, minced
1 (14.5oz) can diced tomatoes, undrained
1 (4.5oz) can green chiles
1 Tsp chili powder
1 Tsp ground cumin
1/2 Tsp sugar
1/4 Tsp fresh chopped oregano
1 (14.5oz) can black beans, rinsed and drained
Fresh cilantro, chopped for garnish

12 oz. whole wheat pasta

Garnish(es)
1-2 large avocados, mashed
1-2 cloves of garlic, pressed
dash of salt

OR Shredded cheese, for topping



Directions:

If topping with guacamole, first cut avocado in half, scoop it out and mash it up in a small bowl.  Add pressed garlic and salt, mix all together and set aside.

Bring a large pot of water to a boil, season with salt and cook pasta according to instructions on the box.

Meanwhile, preheat oil in a large skillet over medium heat.  Add the onions and saute for 1-2 minutes, when onions begin to turn translucent add the garlic and saute until fragrant, an additional 1-2 minutes.  Add the tomatoes, chili powder, cumin, and sugar and bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for about 15 minutes. 

Remove 1 cup of the tomato mixture from the pan and place in a medium bowl along with 3/4 of the can of black beans.  Using an immersion blender, blend the mixture until desired consistency is achieved.  (if you don't have an immersion blender you can use a food processor, magic bullet or blender)   Return the mixture to the skillet, along with the 1/4 can black beans and oregano and stir together. 

Divide the pasta evenly among the plates and spoon the black bean sauce over the pasta.  Top with cilantro either the guacamole or cheese and devour!

First (cell phone) picture of pasta topped with guacamole
 

Picture of it all mixed together. It doesn't look as appetizing all mixed up, but it was delicious!

 Recipe source: Adapted from branny boils over originally from American Dry Bean Board