We got to the hospital around 1:30 pm and as I was standing at the desk telling them I was in labor, my water broke, lol. There was a big puddle on the floor between my legs. It felt like in the movies or something. So they got me in to a room, checked me and I was at 8 cms! Yay!
The pain was getting pretty intense and I wanted to labor in the tub, but they checked me again and I was at a 9 or 9.5 within 15 mins, so they said I could be pushing in the next 10 mins and didn't want me to waste time getting in the tub (especially since I didn't plan on delivering in there, just wanted it for labor/comfort). ... Well 3 hours later, I still had cervix all the way around and wasn't at a 10!! :( There was still a ring of cervix all around. They tried having me push a few times while they pushed back my cervix, and that was excruciating so we stopped and waited hoping I would dilate the rest of the way, SOON. The contractions were becoming unmanageable and I was starting to lose control with each one. Especially because they were never fully letting up so even my "2 min break" wasn't even a break, and I had no idea how much longer this would go on. I had tried contracting on the birthing ball, the birthing stool, several positions in the bed, leaning on Mike, sitting on the toilet etc as Mike and my doula followed me around the hospital room and bathroom, back and forth offering comfort and support through each contraction, reminding me to keep my moans low instead of high etc but nothing provided enough relief and I started to feel like I could not make take even one more contraction. I started asking about some of the narcotic pain relievers thinking that it was too late for the epidural and needed something to take the edge off. At this point I was starting to regret not getting the epidural. They told me that the narcotics they had would get passed on to the baby, but the doctor let me know I could still get the epi and that it might allow my body to relax enough to complete dilation. So, I caved and the epidural was placed at about 4:30 pm.... :( It was crazy though, like someone shut off my contractions, and I felt like a totally different person than I had been for the past 8+ hours, now able to relax, breathe, carry on a conversation with my doula and Mike, text people and check FB on my phone, haha... ;) . whereas before, all I could do was grunt/groan and cry out through the pain that was consuming me, try and recover somewhat with the little bit of relief I got between contractions and then get ready for the next one.
After that I did go right up to a 10 but baby was still high/at a 0 station. They had me try a few pushes, labor down (let my contractions bring the baby down), lay in different positions etc, but she didn't come down at all, and then her heart rate started to get down in to the 70's with every contraction and/or push. (it had been in the 130's and 140's prior to that) They tried putting me on an oxygen mask to see if that would help, tried seeing if she would tolerate alternative positions instead, and they said her cord might be around her neck or in a bad spot that's putting pressure on it with the bearing down of each contraction or push. After about 20 mins of monitoring that, they placed some kind of thing that screwed in to her scalp to better monitor her heart rate and tried a few pushes that didn't go well :( and after a little while of that, the doctor said that I needed to have a c-section. :( :( Actually she said she wanted to get me in to the OR "just in case" and that they would check me again in there, but really I think she just wanted to get me in the OR with every intention of doing a c-section... I am sure nothing would change in the short trip there that would change her mind to have me deliver vaginally. My doula and I both cried as they unhooked me from everything to get me ready to move to the OR. They wheeled me off, checked me again and said that a c-section was needed. Everything happened very quickly after that. They were shaving me, setting up the table to have my arms out at my sides, pumping me full of all these different meds, hooking up monitors, putting up the blue sheet and prepping my abdomen for the surgery. This whole time Mike was not in there yet, I kept asking where he was but they said they needed to prep me before he could come in. With how quickly things were happening though I felt like she was going to be born any second/before he was in there. They did finally bring him in though and she came out at 6:17 pm on her due date, Sunday, April 21st weighing 8 lbs 8 ozs and 21 inches long (exact same size as Tyler was) She came out screaming though and I cried and cried and cried tears of joy and relief that she was out and safe.
After she was born, it was about 15 minutes that Mike and the nueses were in another room with her weighing her and doing all of her testing etc, but it felt like forever. I wanted to see and hold my baby. My arms longed to hold her so badly. Finally Mike came in with Lily, and I could see her, touch her face and kiss her but I still couldn't hold her. I was still on the operating table and my body was starting to shake as a reaction from the medication. It was about an hour before they were done stitching me up and we were out of the OR. Then once they were done, I had to sit in the recovery area for over an hour while they waited to get me a room. I could hold her in there, and I was thankful, but I hated the way I felt from all the drugs.. groggy and high like and then also having such limited movement due to the pain that was creeping up as the anesthesia wore off etc.
Obviously being healthy is the #1 thing and I am so glad she is absolutely that, I just wish I wasn't in this much pain so that taking care of her wasn't so difficult. Everything about my recovery has been slow, painful and difficult from trying to sleep the first few nights in the hospital while hooked up to a million things and with a 10 cm wound in my stomach to getting in and out of bed at night so I can nurse her. I've been on percocet which I resent - especially since I'm breastfeeding, I am not allowed to drive or lift her in her car seat for 2 weeks, and I walk around slightly hunched over and at a snail's pace. Recovering has just been all around hard. I had planned for an all natural childbirth. My reason for wanting a natural birth was because recovery is so much easier when you don't have all kinds of interventions. With Tyler's birth (which was vaginal) I was induced and my labor was 21 hours long with 3.5 hours of pushing, an episiotomy, they tried forecepts, the vaccuum etc before he came out. And I thought that was a painful recovery. I feel like if I had gone in to labor on my own and not had so many interventions, it would not have taken me so long to recover. And now with this, I wound up with the "ultimate" intervention, a surgical birth to recover from so needless to say, I wish things had gone differently.
I am bummed with how far we came without any medical intervention (even thinking back to turning my breech baby when I was 34 weeks, all the reading I did on natural childbirth and hypno stuff I practiced etc) and then of course the 5 hours I labored at home, the 3.5 hours I labored in the hospital without even a hep-lock IV or hospital gown on.... all to end in a c-section. I am jealous of women who have recently given birth vaginally because they don't have to go through what I am, and I feel like they are able to enjoy their new baby more and wish that taking care of her wasn't so hard with my recovery. But I will continue to get better with time, the pain will lessen, which will make taking care of her easier every day, so I'm trying to remember that.
Every time I look at her she takes my breath away though, so I need to remember that the important thing is that she is here, and I love her more than words can say.
In between contractions, before we left for the hospital...
When I was still in labor
In the OR (obviously)
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